Tag Archives: retirement

Will I Be Alone?

IMG_0018  Recently, I sat inside a restaurant by a window looking out on to the patio eating area outside. An old woman with an oxygen tank sat out there alone eating her lunch and reading the “Trader Joe’s” “Fearless Flyer”.  Her grey hair was cut in a stylish short bob, she wore a colorful sweater and cute sneakers. The cord for her oxygen tank was tucked discreetly under her shirt and dangling to the ground with the tank itself in the seat next to her in a black bag.

She made me wonder about my life at that age (I do hope I make it that long in good health). Will I be alone? Chances are, yes I will be alone. I don’t have biological children, my step-daughters are older than I am, the grandkids are in far off places and I haven’t gotten to know the great-grandchildren as well as I would have liked. They grow up and get busy and we get less mobile.

Finding a second love of my life seems doubtful in my 50’s or my 60’s if I’m lucky enough to keep my husband healthy for that long. So a grey haired single life will be in my future. I guess for some the grey haired single life is swinging, a New York Times Op-Ed article I read, Sex and the Single Senior by Ezekiel J. Emanuel talked about the huge uptick in STD’s in those ages 65 and older;

“Numbers from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention show rapid increases in S.T.D.’s among older people. Between 2007 and 2011, chlamydia infections among Americans 65 and over increased by 31 percent, and syphilis by 52 percent. Those numbers are similar to S.T.D. trends in the 20- to 24-year-old age group, where chlamydia increased by 35 percent and syphilis by 64 percent. Experts suggest there are four main factors contributing to the rise in S.T.D.’s among older Americans.”

The article also pointed out the similarities of retirement living to college campus living with lots of similarly aged people living in close proximity to one and other which was leading to the inevitable interaction of the sexes. This statistic about condom use was also interesting;

“But while they are having a lot of sex, seniors didn’t seem to get the safe sex memo, or when it came through they ignored it because they did not think it applied to them. They obviously don’t have to worry about pregnancy. And they grew up before the safe sex era. So seniors might think they have no reason to use condoms. According to the 2010 National Survey of Sexual Health and Behavior, among college-age Americans, condoms are used in about 40 percent of sexual encounters, but only in about 6 percent of sexual encounters among those 61 and older. A study published in the Annals of Internal Medicine showed that older men who use Viagra and similar drugs are six times less likely to use condoms compared with men in their 20s.”

Apparently they need to begin handing out safe sex pamphlets with those Viagra prescriptions. Mr. Emanuel suggested Social Security begin sending out safe sex messages with the retirement checks.

All of this rings true, I know not long after (I mean in a matter of weeks) my grandmother passed away there were at least three women vying for my grandfathers affections. And it wasn’t long before he had a girlfriend he was traveling with and spending time time together cooking and golfing. He said he wasn’t in love, but he liked the company.

Maybe there won’t be a second love of my life, but chances are I could get laid in my old age, if trends hold true. But, “No Glove, No Love” will be the rule.

Do you worry about any particular part of growing older?

I Want It, I Need It – Does Anyone Have an Extra $26,000 to Send My Way?

5582986I found the girl of my dreams a 1966 Camper Bus in Velvet Green! Isn’t she beautiful?!!!

TheSamba.com :: VW Classifieds – 1966 Camper Bus in Velvet Green, Solid Driver.

Oh the trips we could take and the fun we would have cruising the highways with the windows down, Tom Petty blaring on the radio, stopping in beautiful places along the way and meeting interesting people.

A crystal blue sky dolloped with a few fluffy white clouds, a cold Coke between my legs to cool me down from the heat of the desert we are winding through, a stop at a diner to fill my belly and the serendipity of finding the perfect camping spot under a tree so far from everyone that the silence the lets me hear the twinkling of the brightest stars I have ever seen in the night sky.

I’ll keep dreaming, but if anyone would like to make a donation big or small to help me realize my dream, your donation would be gratefully received in my paypal account: Sharireiter@gmail.com.

What’s your dream?

Getting Grumpy

IMG_0098 Men get grumpy around age 70 – No Kidding!

A recent NPR piece caught my attention this week. The Grumpy Point: When a Man Turns 70. They were looking at a study published in the March 2014 issue of Psychology and Aging about how men approach their “Golden Years”. I wrote previously about how my husband is not very impressed with his “F’ing Golden Years“.

Gerontology professor, Carolyn Aldwin, from Oregon State University and the lead author on the study says;

““Some older people continue to find sources of happiness late in life despite dealing with family losses, declining health, or a lack of resources,” she said. “You may lose a parent, but gain a grandchild. The kids may leave the house, but you bask in their accomplishments as adults. You find value in gardening, volunteering, caregiving or civic involvement.”

Aging is neither exclusively rosy nor depressing, Aldwin said, and how you react to hassles and uplifts as a 55- to 60-year-old may change as you enter what researchers call “the fourth age,” from 75 to 100, based on your perceptions and/or your life experiences.”

“The Fourth Age” is an interesting concept, with more and more people getting to those magic numbers, but ill-equipped  for the costs mentally and physically of that age. My husband is in this group now and has definitely been experiencing the challenges that come with age; more health complications, his energy levels isn’t the same, he gets upset that his mind just isn’t as sharp as it used to be. He says his head still feels like he’s 40, but he definitely knows his body is now in “the fourth age” and it is tough on him.

Little things seem to upset him the way they never used to, silly stuff like spilling something or the dogs fighting or kids making noise in the neighborhood, he just no longer has a tolerance for any of it. The cranky curmudgeon is what I like to call him sometimes. The good thing is it generally only lasts a short time and then the mental laps kicks in and he forgets why he was mad in the first place.

Are you in the “Fourth Age” or dealing with someone that has gotten grumpy?

 

 

Retirement

IMG_0559   That elusive day way off in the distance when I can give my suits to Goodwill, ride off into the sunset and do what I want. But what?

My husband, as I mentioned in a previous post, is a lot older than I am and can technically retire whenever he feels like it. A pension and social security are ready and waiting for the day he decides he doesn’t want to or can not work any longer. But he doesn’t want to retire just yet. He says “I’m not ready”, “What would I do with myself all day?” and  “I don’t want to just sit in the house and stare out the window until you come home from work.”  But what could he do with his time if he wasn’t working? He says he has no idea.

A recent New York Times article by Tara Siegel Bernard about Coping When Not Entering Retirement Together talks about the need to communicate, the feelings of guilt on the retirees part about spending money when the other spouse is still working and working out your schedules. An excerpt;

“With more and more baby boomers retiring each year, either by choice or because they lost their jobs in the economic downturn, many couples must coexist, if only temporarily, in different phases of life. Living two different realities can lead to a variety of challenges, both financial and emotional, from brewing resentments about how a partner is spending free time, to how to reconcile the spending mind-set of a retiree and of someone still collecting a paycheck.“

I would probably be a little jealous of his free time, but I also know he has more than earned the right to retire when he’s ready.

But I don’t want to get to 67 and not have that next thing to engage my life. In fact I want more things than work to engage in now; which is part of the reason I began this blog so that I can begin to enjoy one of my passions. Retirement is 20 years away, I don’t want to keep planning on living the way I want to in 20 years, I want to do it now. But how?

Also, there is “the bucket list”. I found several sites recently that are focused on helping and documenting people checking things off their bucket list. The Bucket List Society and The Bucket List Blog are a couple I found interesting. My list is long and mostly filled with places that I want to travel to; Scotland, Japan, Thailand, India, Vietnam, Peru, Venezuela, Cuba, Alaska, Kenya and on and on. I have two friends that are travel addicts and am quite envious before and after every trip they take.

I have been stuck for awhile, but I am slowly figuring out my next steps, what brings me fulfillment and happiness and I am evaluating what and who I want in my life and I am going to make those things happen.

Do you have a plan for life after retirement or to live the life you want now?

Money

$ makes the world go round or so the song goes.

Several blog posts I’ve read in the last couple of weeks have been focused on saving money; either for retirement, for an emergency fund, for my child’s college fund( I didn’t have children so there is savings for me right there), to own my house free and clear, get out of debt, etc.

One of my favorites, Caitlin Kelly’s, The Broadside talked about “saving enough” and where she splurges. She also included a link to an article by Heidi Moore of the Guardian about women making less and living longer and asking the question  “Are elderly women doomed to be poor?” Both made me consider where I splurge; coffee, my dogs and skin care (I figure the good skin care is saving me facelift money later – right) and where I skimp; canned goods, laundry detergent and underwear. There should be a lot more in the skimp category so I can save more, but there you go. They also made me assess my savings and spending habits: verdict = bi-polar.  I do have a pension where I work which I know makes me lucky and provides a bit of security. But I am 20 years from retirement and social security and that provides a great deal of insecurity given the ups and downs of politics. I also have my IRA’s and emergency funds and it still doesn’t seem like enough, especially with the cost of health care and the inevitable increase in its use as I get older.  Some months I am very good and save, spend with intention and feel great and other month I spend recklessly.

Debt is also a problem. I am still paying for some youthful indiscretion with my credit card in my younger days. Ah, but the fun I had and the trips I took.  I read the Get Rich Slowly Blog to keep me focused on paying off those debts and building that emergency fund. But there was an article recently on the site that caught my attention; also about women and money,  Money Mythbuster: Women Don’t Negotiate by staff writer April Dykman. She writes about her experience with trying to negotiate and the results she ended up with, as well as provides some links to studies about women and men and their salary disparity. Particularly disturbing was the negative effect on a woman who negotiates her starting salary vs a man who does.

“If a woman negotiates her starting salary, the employer might hold it against her. According to a 2006 study, when a woman negotiates her salary, both men and women are less likely to want to work with or hire her. The negative effect was more than 5.5 times greater for women who negotiated than for men.”

Some days all of these things can add up and make me want to crawl back in bed and say why bother. But, when I see my retirement statement, check on my latest contribution to my IRA and see my emergency fund grow I know I am working towards a more solid financial future and I am proud of myself, feel hopeful and know that I will be able to take care of myself.

How are you taking charge of your financial future?