Disappointment and Fear

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The only thing sustaining me through these last few hellish weeks of work has been the thought of going on our summer road trip. I have been having dreams about sitting on the beach with my toes in the sand watching the sunset with a nice tall G&T in my hand. For me, that is a slice of heaven, but unfortunately there will be no heaven this week.

On Friday, the day before we were supposed to leave for our trip, the day we were supposed to be loading up our car to head out on the open road my husband began spitting up blood. This is how our 10 days stint in the hospital started last December, so we took it pretty seriously. It just so happened that he had an appointment at the anticoagulation clinic scheduled for Friday morning so we decided to take him there first before trying to get any other appointments or hitting the emergency room.  It turned out that his Warfarin was way off, like almost 50% higher than it was supposed to be, and that was likely the cause of the bleeding. So with instructions on how to get his blood levels back to where they are supposed to be we headed home for a day of resting.

On Saturday morning I had high hopes that he would be feeling better and at least well enough to sit in the car while I drove us south.  He said he wanted to go and wished to go and he was feeling better, but that he was too scared to be away. “What if something happens like last time?”  I understood, but was still very, very disappointed.  I went back to bed.

His lungs are not going to get any better and he knows it, but his lungs are not in nearly as bad of shape as some people in my life have been. Still when things like this happen I think he feels like the end is near and that death is knocking on his door and he get sad, depressed and mopey. I then find myself giving him the platitude pep talk; “Do you want to live what’s left of your life sad and depressed? If you do, why keep living?”, “You are so lucky and are in a lot better shape than many men your age and you better start appreciating it, because it’s not going to get any better than it is.“,  “You have to stop wishing you were 25 again because you’re not.”, “Are you going to spend your remaining years sad and unhappy? Cause that’s no way to live!”  He then responds, “I know.” “I’ll get out of my funk”  and then he feels better and get’s out of his funk and we start to enjoy life again.

But I am still in a little funk, just bummed out that our trip didn’t happen and trying to make the best of it. I was thinking about just heading back into work this week and trying to save the vacation for another time, but I need a break from that place even if it is just at home. The weather is supposed to be sunny and hot here all week, so I think to get myself in a better state of mind I am going to try to learn something new and use a day to discover something new about home.

Do you have someone in your life that is dealing with health issues? How do you help them stay positive?

 

 

One thought on “Disappointment and Fear

  1. Learning Something New and Getting Off My Ass – Random & Rhyme

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